Vacuums don't have to suck.

Heathfield Lane is always in need of a good chore-master that can do some manual labor with a wet rag. Claire, Emily, and Rachel are on constant patrol, but the war on Filth is never over. With Mom working endless hours, and Dad continuously globetrotting, who else can do the chores?

Thankfully, Mom and Dad learned from years past that getting pregnant and raising up a new child in the labor force wasn't always the best way to clean up. So, instead of Dad getting Mom pregnant for Mother's day, he got her a VACUUM!!!

First, it was the electrolux canister which was brought over on the Mayflower and passed down to Poopy Papa. Then came the Dirt Devil, which sucked as a deorgatory verb but not as an action verb. Then it was Central Vacuum System: a plan that never really took off, despite it's jet engine sound effects blasting from the basement. Lastly, the Eureka vacuum was a good idea, but sucking out 30 years of dirt is why God created tornadoes, not vacuums.

Now with Mother's Day, Mom has found her weapon of choice on this war on dirt. The Dyson has been introduced to heathfield lane, and according to Molly, after a push down the hallway, it was full. Unfortuately it is still just a vacuum and not a time machine, which means the carpet up the stairs will still be a trampled brown color...too bad.

As a tribute to the vacuums that have come before the dyson, I urge you to read this article of Dad's probable friend, or archnemesis, depending on how you look at it. He has the world's oldest working vacuum at 71 years old. Dad and him must read the same style magazine. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/